lost

too many voices..
too many opinions..
too many options..
too many decisions..
too many..
just too many..

currently officially rotting at home..
there are too much to think of..
too many decisions to be made..
I'm stuck!

at the beginning,I was kinda sure what I really wanted..
till now,I am still very sure..
nothing can quite change my mind..
but I am not resistant enough..
if only I could be more daring..
if only I could be more independent..
if only I was given more freedom..
then I might just win the battle..

it would really break my heart to leave them without officially saying goodbye..
we never did cry together just to get that feeling off our hearts..
coz we knew we will see each other again..
but now I dun see that possibility anymore..
what used to be bright seems to be getting darker and darker now..
I dunno how to make it bright again..
and I dunno how to walk down that road anymore..

putting the past behind me is really tough..
I can forget minor things easily..
now I wished I had short term memory..
then I won't feel what I am feeling now..

speaking out my mind is also hard as I am not that expressive..
I wished I am more expressive..
at least I dun need to use messages to replace my voice..

where should I go from here now?
should I stick to my plan or should I just change to make everything easier?
should I think of what I want or what other people want?
should it be about me or them?

P/s: Happy belated mother's day!

*updates*

1. my exhibition for the very last semester is over..way to go DAV2 C2!
check out the photos here.

2. end of the exhibition meaning end of my diploma..I m so gonna miss u all!!

3. exams are just around the corner..already in the sleepless nites state..

4. after diploma, might look out for internships before continuing degree..

5. or maybe even get some part time job while waiting for my dip cert in order to apply for jobs in the adv line..

6. would be leaving what has been my life these 2 years..drastic change..

7. changes are really hard to adapt to..but we still need to accept them and start all over again.

8. got caught up with this quote: be all you could be because you only have one life to live

9. looping this song by mariah carey (bye bye)

10. studying..

fickle tutors..

getting really sick of the tutors this semester..
they are so darn fickle..
dah la they are giving so many assignments, can't they decide on 1 deadline..
making us feel like a fool..
firstly they said A n then the next day B pulak..
sickening la..

long story la..
I have a design subject this semester after so many semesters without them..
n the tutor is still the same but this time much much more fickle..
we had our presentation last week and she rejected all of our designs..
being a second year last sem student, that's quite embarassing..
she asked to choose our very best design and she approved..
but on that presentation day,she said it's boring..
how can someone be in that state of mind in just a matter of days..
after that,she said she wants to see them this afternoon..
but when we went n see her,she let us down..
she said she will see them on thursday..

N then there is other lecturer who also that fickle..
she keeps postponing our mid term and deadlines after seeing us putting all our efforts in just to satisfy her..
I am like WTF la..
what the hell are they thinking and what do they are doing la..
I heard of the last sem being tough but that is not how it works..
u can give us piles and piles of assignments but pls do not make us look like fools..
adshive though la we all syok sendiri..

@#$%^&*#?!

*frustrated*

*sigh*

haha..yea..
the blog is dead again..
declaring it very soon..
kinda occupied now so I'll just make everything brief..

there isn't much to tell actually..
since I started my new semester,work have really been piling..
one after another..
making me appreciate sleep n rest very much..
havent been sleeping well..
average only 5 hrs per day and work 12 hrs a day..
my pocket is dry..
my brain is dry..
short semesters may seem short..
but it's not..
with work piling up like this,it seems like it is gonna take forever to finish..

even worse is that, we wont be having any study week this time..
our campaign is on the study week..
and we are not very sure whether effort put into the assignment will pay off or not..
with all the hard work, sleepless nites, and money..

*sigh*
- ah puik -

disappointment

went for a dancing class just now..
enjoyed it very much..
thinking whether will I be able to continue in the following week..
there are just too many assignments..
I really dunno where should I start..

was feeling a lil down a few days back..
dun really wanna talk about..
all I can say is that I regeretted being such a nice person..
I'll lend anybody a hand when they need one..
but I guess I really understand the meaning of SELFISH rite now..
at times,I just dun understand how can ppl be so selfish..
they care about nothing else except for themselves..
disappointment like this really taught me alot about true friendship..

true friendship never betrays you..
true friendship never leaves u alone..
true friendship never knows the meaning of SELFISH..
true friendship never comes and goes that easily..

Wrong judgement

I am so wrong..
Wrong judgement..

Don't ever judge a book by its cover!!!
(100% TRUE)

trust me..

new sem

this sem started off quite well..
it was kinda of a good headstart to a happy n last semester..
let's just hope everything goes well and we will be able to stick through thick and thin..
we are finally back together..
smiling and laughing together..talking like there was nobody else in the world except us..
going out on outings like we used to do..
though we will be separated into groups for assignments but I am sure we can still be together..
I am really glad to see that..
this happiness overcome my the hectic timetable I have though it's only 2 subjects..

one more good news to announce is that I finally got this part time job..
Venue: F1 circuit
Date: 21st - 23rd March 2008
Pay: 250 per day
Task: sell BMW merchandise(in fact not much promoting need to be done)
*food and transport provided*
oh well,by luck the company which interviewed me for ths job was an advertising agency..
when I told them that I was studying advertising,they kinda advise me to apply for some internships after graduating...
they even offered me to keep in touch with them if ever I am interested..
so I guess I killed 2 birds with a stone..
with their advise,it actually helped me to make my decision on what to do after I graduate..
I am planning to apply for internships after this and then be an intern for half a year or something..
and then only pursue my degree..
at least I think the experience of being an intern can help me to decide whether advertising is the line I would like work for the rest of my life..
if not,I might change my major in degree..

People say that u might be lost now but there would be a moment where u will be able to decide what u wanna do with ur life and I think I have been thru that moment..
By the way,I think that line is from One Tree Hill Season 4..
was re-watching it yday nite..qouted by Lucas Scott(the ever charming Chad Micheal Murray)
that moment was: when I was in the car on the way back to KL yday nite..
haha..looks like I am doing a lot of thinking lately everywhere I go..
I was really doing a lot of thinking nowadays..
I seem to see that the people around me are really capable of planning their life and I am like a bird without it's sense of direction..
Now I think I can actually grasp half of my future not including working..
that's the other half..