still helpless..

Now I am back in KL and I am really worried bout my mom..dunno whether is she fine or not..think I shall call her later..last weekend staying at home was really tiring..had do all sorts of things besides taking care of my mum..had to clean up the house,do the cooking,cope up with homework n etc etc...on Saturday nite,while I was watching tv, my dad heard some sound from the toilet n my mum was in it..so I ran straight to the toilet n there was my mum crying n crying because her stomach hurts a lot...this few days at home I realised that my mum did get a lil better but she has to eat very often and after eating,her stomach will be very painful..I also realised that every single afternoon her stomach hurts the most..I have to rub her back so that all the "wind" in her body would be released...looking at it n recalling all this makes my heart sore..nobody at home can bare looking at my mum's condition now,not even my grandma..

how long will I be able to hold on?
how strong can I be?
I am afraid that 1 day I'll just break down and cry my heart out..
staying strong isn't as easy as it is being said..

people always say that u should believe in God and everything will be fine,is that true?
I doubt that..if it is true,then all this shouldn't have happen to my mum right?

she was such a nice person,lending a hand whenever anybody needs help from her..
she even help those who had criticise her and treat her badly previously..
she doesn't complain about her life and just go with the flow..
she was a great mum,wife,daughter,daughter-in-law,sister and friend but..
why?WHY?

helpless me

About 2 months ago,my mum was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach..she underwent her surgery and after that she can barely eat..the best she can do was only to drink fruit juices..later on,she starts adjusting her stomach with soft food and then time after time she can start taking rice once more bit by bit..slowly she was able to eat normally but only in a much more smaller amount than normal human..Now,2 months later she has undergo chemo..As we alll know,chemo seems to be scary to a cancer patient and I can see why now..My mum went for her first cycle of chemo a week ago which only consist of injections for a week..She seem alrite to me then..But today when I came home from college,I was so suprised to see the look on her face..she was so pale adhsive though she was back to square one(I mean after the surgery)..then when I had my lunch,she sat down beside me and told me that she hasn't been eating much since wednesday..basically I can say that she din even eat 1/4 out of 3 meals a day..It was all because of the injection she took on wednesday which contains God knows what kind of drugs that cause her mouth to hurt so badly till she can't eat..gawd!I don't think I can bare looking at her like that..cried a few times today when I saw her suffering..*sob*..this is only the 1st cycle..I dunno how am I gonna bare the upcoming cycles of her chemo..Futhermore my grandmother will be leaving for Ipoh tomorrow..my mum will be left alone with my little brother next week..I am so worried that my bro won't be able to help my mum out with her condition now..HAIH..I feel very helpless too coz there is nothing I can do to prevent her from suffering all this pain..I am so angry of myself..ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

helpless signing off.............

painful feet and bad presentation

my presentation yesterday was bad..already I have to bare with the high heels I am wearing plus the formal wear,my presentation makes it even worse..my group members that I was practically reading to the whole class besides having some eye contact with the audience which is a must in order to get some extra marks..besides that,we also have this Q&A session which is also a must to get extra points whereby the full mark is only 2..fortunately we got 2 marks but I still think it was unfair to uur group..we answered every single question including the ones from the tutorand the other group which basically did not even answered our tutor's question properly,in fact I would they did not even answer and they got like !.5 ou of 2..now u tell me,is that fair?futhermore by the end of the class he said that he likes to be fair to his students..wat crap are those?however,we just put it aside and would no longer like to mention it anymore..as long as we know that we have done our best,it's good enuough..gtg now,got to continue designing t-shirts' for the upcoming camp in October..1 last piece and I shall sleep..haha

chao!

......................

been really bz these few days..tiring days too..i would gladly use d word "accomplish" to define that i have already finished my assignment n handed it up..haha..having presentation tomorrow for d IT assignment n then I'm done with that assignment too..spent a lot of money too today to get my formal wear for d presentation..heart pain ar!!!never did spend so much in a day since I came to KL..haih..got to go to bed now..

me off.......................

can sleep with a smile on my face..

went online yesterday and I saw M online too..chatted with her till now..told her everythingI felt like blurting out and I feel so much better now..I can finally sleep with a smile on my face today..haha..the feeling of envy towards my roommate might disappear one day and it might be soon(better be soon)..it's really hard to bare with that feeling..it's the feeling where u really want what other people have but still it can be near yet so far..thnx M!hope that u will find that sum1 soon enough so that u no longer need to pretend that u r strong..handling all the problems on ur own without anyone there to hold ur back whenever u fall..and we shall accomplish what we have in between each other for the better..

me signing off to bed..

assignments..assignments!!!!!!!!

haih..one after another..seems like there won't be an end to it..I found out that even graphic design students don't have that much assignments unlike we advertising students..I even found out that we have exam for design..we have 30 multiple choices questions and another 3 practical questions where we really have to draw..gosh!all along I thought there isn't exam for this subject and all the marks will be gained thru our coursework..mana tau suddenly say got exam..recently,an accounting year1 student(11As' in SPM) was slashed by an indian snatch thief and fortunately he managed to call his parents before he died..later on,another student from our coll studying system engineering year 2 also got slashed by an indian snatch thief,but he was lucky coz he is in the hospital now..police suspect it is the same man..

what has the world become of?is it still dominated by normal human beings or just plain brainless animals(insane human beings) which kills normal humans everywhere they go?y is everything going the opposite direction?

Janice-BigBrother

Janice-BigBrother

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